it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
