At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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