Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
