How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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