Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
