The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
