I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
