i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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