I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
