You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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