I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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