Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
