Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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