Will you blow on my dice?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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