i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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