I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
