I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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