I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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