Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
