he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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