I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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