Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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