Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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