guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
