ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Say something about gay babies.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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