He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
