Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
