Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
