he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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