do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Come share oat with me in your robe
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
