my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
