I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
