we made out on top of his cat.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
