Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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