She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
