We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
