He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
