We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
