i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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