I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have so many feelings about this burrito
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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