By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
