Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
