We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
