I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
