I'm so fucking centered right now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
