I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
