So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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