So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
