That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
