Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
