Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
