Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I understand Curling. That high.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
