Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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