I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
