We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
