the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So many bounce houses so little time
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
